30.8.–22.9.2024

Welcome to the opening reception of the exhibition on Thursday 29 August from 5–7pm! 

Once upon a time there was a Big Bad Pussy. Children were frightened by its hairy mouth, and many told their own versions of the smell of its breath in the campfire. Only the toughest claimed to have climbed into its entrance, and those disappointed with their lives, threatened to move back inside of it. Great artists often positioned themselves right in the eye of the Pussy and looked at the world from a bird’s-eye view with the all-powerful gaze of God.

Others brought candles next to the Pussy and worshipped the Gods and Holy Mothers they’d invented at the root of it. For them, the Big Bad Pussy was like a sacred cow, which they wished to enclose as a small-circle attraction by collecting names for a citizens’ initiative. It would only allow the ones with pussy to access its immediate vicinity. Still, others claimed that the splashing sounds of the Pussy were Latin and wrote their dissertations about it. The country’s most popular TV company wanted to make a new Uuno Turhapuro movie (Uno Useless-Stream in English) about the Big Bad Pussy, in which Pussy would play the part of Turhapuro himself. Everyone had an opinion about the Big Bad Pussy: everyone was interested in it one way or another. Some could not accept the utterances of its name in public places. And so, they burned the Pussy diaries at the market square and jumped on the sculpture of Manta, in such a way that the newly restored bronze statue was permanently tilted.

Once a month the Big Bad Pussy spewed blood, erupting like a volcano. It was a ritual, whose timing no one could ever quite predict, and which always managed to take public transport by surprise, with commuters cursing in packed and irregularly running buses. The church used tax money to finance animal experiments in a laboratory in Lapua, where they bred a flock of herons, which they hoped would soon replace the “too lazy sliding belt”. They also wished it would make the Big Bad Pussy unemployed for good, because they said that the Pussy should also be banned from having sex, if it was not for reproductive purposes. If the Big Bad Pussy became unemployed, it would then be easy for the city, for its part, to plead for aesthetic reasons in trying to remove the overgrown vulva from the landscape. The Russian trolling factories took notice of the situation, spewing out dozens of AI-generated crummy deepfake videos, in which cute herons are trying to kill the Big Bad Pussy.

A Finnish company specializing in glass design products wanted to update their brand, as they saw momentum in this phenomenon around the herons. The glass company created a social media campaign criticizing the church’s animal testing. The campaign also included a 100th-anniversary product featuring a classic vase now resembling the Big Bad Pussy. Soon, the middle class served their salads from this vase, and as a result, many people resigned from the church and became followers of the glass company. Inspired by the glass company’s success story, the Helsinki-based Benjiump Business School of Finland created a T-shirt merch that said “Well, pussy is always on my mind, but let’s jump first”. However, after an initial sales spike and hype, the t-shirt was cancelled by the ski jumping league, to whom this slogan by the deceased ski jumper “Eagle” was originally patented.

With all that show business, the days went by. But one thing remained the same, and that was that the Pussy was always going to be on everyone’s lips.

BIO

Everybody was annoyed because HEMULOORDI had no face. But luckily there came an artist who wanted to fix that problem by making a portrait of HEMULOORDI. The artist cast a statue, using the sperm of a stork as the mortar. Result was bad because stork’s sperm was a tricky material. Its every sperm cell was the “fastest swimmer”. So HEMULOORDI’s portrait became a highly dangerous piece of art because it was so horny. You could even hear with your naked ear the horny buzz which was coming from inside. Only one kiss could release that spirit and make the statue a living fucker machine and the world’s capacity would not cope with all that banging. That threat was called “The final Big Bang” and it was every president’s wet daydream. When HEMULOORDI saw the portrait of itself, HEMULOORDI burst into tears and did not recognise the face. “Who is that cocky sex god?”, HEMULOORDI asked itself. HEMULOORDI wanted to save the world from its own portrait and sacrificed to kiss the statue which meant that the stork’s sperm transferred into HEMULOORDIS spirit instead of escaping into the world and becoming the world’s biggest fucking machine. At that moment HEMULOORDI transformed into a bird figure whose sole purpose was to carry babies in a basket to people. People were happy and said: “It has always been like this, and will always be”.